The Freeing of the Butterflies
Updated: Nov 4, 2021
Today, I went on a trip to nowhere, and ended up on a 2-hour journey that answered the question I’ve held for the last 20 years… “why do I feel boxed in?” It’s fascinating the way the Universe will communicate with us if we will allow the messages to unfold.
Nearly a week ago, I sat contemplating the surrender of the butterfly. It wasn’t incredibly complicated or profound, just a musing about the magic of surrender and transformation.
“If the caterpillar must surrender completely and dissolve into nothing more than liquid before transforming into all that it was intended to be... a beautiful winged Being, free from the confines of its limited experience ... then surely We can surrender to allow the circumstances that hold us back to dissolve with the faith that they will transform into something miraculous and freeing.”
After posting the thought, I considered it a few more times and then, let it go.
Five days later, my 4-year-old brought it back around on the paper that is sent home from school. Her teacher seemed to be both amused and impressed as she shared with me that my generally ‘shy and quiet’ child “… told us caterpillars are crawlers and then informed the class they eventually turn into butterflies” 😊
I’ll admit, with all that has been consuming my mental and spiritual energy for the past two weeks, I didn’t think too deeply into it. I simply high-fived her for her thoughtfulness, bravery, and natural teaching abilities, squealed with delight to show my support and placed the paper on the counter. before moving on to the next thing.
The next morning, I dropped both kiddos off at school and immediately felt a subtle nudge to ‘drive.’ Nowhere to go. No plan in place. No company for the ride.
Just “Drive.”
And so I did. I pointed my car north and left everything that had been breaking my heart in the rearview mirror. If this is what it was going to take to find my balance in the present moment, then so be it.
An hour later, I found myself on a familiar stretch of interstate heading in the direction of my previous place of employment. I remember the days of leaving the office at lunch to explore the surrounding area.
Usually, I would find a restaurant in the area or find myself at the local mall people watching the older couples who would hold hands and power walk together… or the moms with their small children who would frequent the play center. It was meditative in a sense… to be out of my head and simply observing Love from a distance.
But I never seemed to have enough time to visit where my heart often called me to… the aquarium. I had been a few times before with my family, but never in the middle of a workday when I was certain I would have the place nearly all to myself.
Today, I was open to surrender and flow. I found that my heart was calling me to the aquarium's butterfly room in particular, although I wasn’t exactly certain why.
I pulled into the parking lot and looked to the top floor of the Ocean Journey building. The familiar butterfly garden windows weren’t glistening as I had remembered.
I remembered one trip back in 2011 where I stood mesmerized by the hundreds of beautiful, winged creatures. I remember talking to the aquarium worker who stood vigilant at the door to ensure no butterfly escaped with a human. I commented that I would love to sneak a few out with me so they could be in their natural habitat.
She assured me that they were happy with their plates of fruit, lush trees, and water hoses that sprayed mist through the air. They were safer here too, not having to survive the outdoor elements. I wasn’t fooled, but I also didn’t let it get to me as I bounded off with my family to the next exhibit.
But today, standing outside the building, I finally recognized “The Box.”
It is not unlike the box I often find myself in.
I thought back to the analogy of the caterpillar that dissolves into nothing to become all it was meant to be. It emerges to find that it now has wings and is no longer confined to the ground. It takes flight and begins it exploration of the wide world around it. But before too long, it realizes that there is only so far it can go before it is flying in circles.
And maybe the butterfly recognizes that it’s in a box, or maybe it doesn’t, but its beautiful soul KNOWS that it is not where it is meant to be. It will forever be called toward the freedom it was meant to have from its inception.
That desire will not go away simply because someone makes the box seem comfy and secure, presumably so that the butterfly can live a longer, safer, and more productive life. Whether it recognizes the box or not is irrelevant.
Eventually, the spirit suffocates.
As I stood at the desk to purchase my ticket, I felt a strong conviction that I would spend the entirety of my time with the butterflies, because if I were locked in a box, I would want someone to hold and share space with me, be with me, love me… and perhaps hatch a plan for my escape.
I made my way to the top floor… on a mission. When I arrived, I was greeted by a sign that brought me to tears. It read…
“The Butterfly Garden is temporarily closed.
Restrictions on international flights have disrupted our supply chain.”
The restrictions on international flights may have negative impacts for some, I get that,… but not for the butterflies.
Out of the catastrophe of this pandemic came the beautiful freedom that was always intended to be theirs.
Perhaps the same is true for all of us... we may just not have fully realized it yet.
I would love to think that they are flying free in their natural habitat, braving the elements.
I would love to think that I too am brave as I leave the secure box I've always known, yet at the same time didn't fully realize was there.... as I fly off to explore and experience the freedom of Spirit, no matter how scary that may seem at the moment.